Divorce Day: What should you do if your marital life is in trouble?
Your marital life is in trouble?
Experts say that some married couples become emotionally and sexually frustrated that their relationship becomes more difficult than divorce.
Couples around the world refrain from discussing extended visits between their rooms in their room, which can cause more harm to the couple and family than divorce.
The BBC talked to a few couples experiencing this 'emotional gap' and asked the experts what were the possible ways to deal with it.
Married But Desolate Life
Kamal says, 'Tell the truth, I can't tell if I am married or divorced.'The London telecommunications consultant has been in a marriage for the past 20 years with his wife, Thoria, and the couple has two children.
The 46-year-old Kamal is a political and social commentator who has hundreds of followers on Facebook, but says that his relationship with his wife is deteriorating, 'a relationship of solemn respect, such as love. Instead, you work with colleagues. '
He says, 'It all started after the birth of our first son. It seems that the emotional and sexual attraction has ended. And ever since then. '
'Even months after our son was born, when he wanted to sleep alone, I tried to find reasons. I keep saying that this is probably due to hormones or changes in mood after childbirth.
“When it started to grow, I contacted some experts. After the birth of our second child, it seemed as if he did not want any emotional or sexual relations between us. '
Kamal remembers how when his wife talked about the need for romance, his wife told him not to behave like a youth. He says, 'When I tried to talk to him, he said that now I should have a fatherly attitude.
'Thoria thinks she is the ideal wife because she cares for children, home and family. I think as a mother and a housewife she is doing a great job but she is doing just that. '
Feeling Them Wanting
The disappointment of perfection soon began to prevail. They began to feel wanting and retreated. They often stay in their rooms and feel comfortable in the virtual company of hundreds of their friends on Facebook.
There was no shortage of women among them who appreciated their views. Sometimes they even play their music on their Facebook page. When they got more likes, they started feeling confident again.
'At a time when I was emotionally thinking of myself as dead and unconscious of marriage, I found it difficult to stay away from these attractive women who were interested in me.'
Kamal is convinced that he is not alone in this situation. 'People will criticize me, but I'm not the only one. There are many more people like me. There are so many people I know. '
They have created a double life, seemingly 'an excellent father and husband' while on the weekends they met their love affectionately.
Economist Hamid Alhashmi believes that instead of finding excuses, Kamal should talk to his wife about his needs and situation.
Alhashmi says, 'He should have told his wife where things could go if no solution was found. Often the best way is to find a middle ground, compromise for both parties, which can reduce the feeling of mistakes and distance. '
According to physician Amal Hamid, it is important that people stop saying, 'We did everything we could.'
She says 'blaming others and becoming self-inflicted has no purpose'.
Instead she suggests thinking about the good things, about those memories of the past and the times when they had problems together.
She says 'everyone should try to take the initiative in the relationship, positive thinking is essential.'
Think Yourself Guilty
Mitra and Rustam are an Iranian couple almost 40 years old. He has been living with his two daughters in Birmingham since 2005.
Ten years ago, Matara was diagnosed with breast cancer and later uterus. Due to which she lost a prostate, ovary and uterus. And their lives were filled with anxiety.
When her husband started looking elsewhere for love, she couldn't believe it at all. When they learned about this, they asked their husbands to choose between them and the other woman.
They chose another woman, they knew that choosing another woman would cause them to lose their daughters as well.
'If they were in my place, I would have supported them till the very end. Marriage is for both bad and good. Maybe men have to learn to be less selfish. '
Yet, Mutra admits that she cannot meet her husband's needs and therefore considers herself guilty. 'However, I could not admit that they had left me. As a woman she cannot feel the desire. '
And Rustam now only feels comfortable in books. Mutra says, 'They do hardly anything other than their work. They are always silent. Even their daughters say they are very sick. '
Despite the dire need for marital counseling, many people in Asian and Western communities swallow the pill very hard.
Financial Aid
29-year-old Tamra left Syria to come to Turkey in 2015 when she married a Turkish man so that she could escape the 'life of a refugee', especially a refugee woman who was often harassed. Is.
They thought that marriage was just the right solution, but they were surprised to find out about their husbands' family and their social background, which was quite different.
'My whole life revolves around caring for children, cooking, cleaning and meeting my husband's needs,' she told the BBC.
They are in this marriage simply because he financially supports them and is able to take care of their two children.
'If I had any other way I would not have stayed with them for one more day. When I was with my family, I was never treated that way. My opinion, my honor and feelings are of no value here. He just wants to suck on his demand. '
Secret marriage
Rouge, who is from Arbil, says his 60-year-old father has not slept with his 47-year-old mother for decades.
Her mother knows that her husband has 'secretly married' to another woman, but they still handle it. If people became aware of this situation, they would not be able to face it.
"My father is a rich man and so a 30-year-old woman agreed to marry him," says Rouge. My mother is strong and financially independent, but she does not want to talk about it and demand a divorce so that we do not have a bad reputation. She wants to maintain her pride. '
Rouge says her mother had been suffering from emotional problems for many years, but they kept her hidden because she did not want to look pitiful. She pretends to be fine and happy, but in reality she is very upset.
Her mother refused legal advice because she wanted to keep her husband's second marriage a secret.
Potential Return Route
According to Councilor Hamid, the parties' desire to fix things is the only way.
If either of the two blames the other, things will only get worse. They need to speak openly and use words carefully. Otherwise the odds will increase.
According to Hamid, sometimes one party tries to change things, while the other party stays in the situation, which makes any attempt to change disappointing.
“To cope with the difficulties, both partners should not let things go wrong,” says Hamid. They should often communicate using the right language and not downplaying each other. '
She says 'it always helps to bring about change.'
She says, 'If a husband does not surprise his wife by giving him a gift, then his wife should take the initiative. Instead of just repeating, such a move can be very helpful. ”
She concludes that 'the most important thing is not to give up but to keep trying.'
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